Jul 2
I’m sitting in my “office” down-town Chicago. It’s the Starbucks on the corner of Clinton and Adams right by Union Station - you know, where the church is.
I was walking to the bathroom and noticed one of my favorite baristas coming toward the door to begin her shift - so I opened it and welcomed her to work! I’m really glad I chose to go to the bathroom at that moment because she immediately launched right into a story that has blessed my heart DEEPLY!
She said, “Do you know why I always remember your name? Sherilyn Sheets!” I am unsure of her name…. I just know she reminds me of the mom from Cosby Show! “I’m mad at you!”
Oh no… what did I do? I mentally put my shoulders back and prepared for the explanation of something hurtful I’d done. The story she told was not at all what I was expecting.
On Easter Sunday I said something to her that stuck with her. I asked “do you have kids?” She didn’t, so I told her “you’d be a good mom, you should be a mom!” She laughed me off and told me that wasn’t in the plans. Honestly, I don’t remember much of this - other than mentioning to her that there’s something very maternal about her countenance. It’s that Phylicia Rashad thing she’s got goin on!
The rest of the story:
This precious woman on Monday - the very next day - purchased a Dollar-tree pregnancy test for kicks. Some random girl told her she should be a mom - so why not buy a test, right? Tuesday morning, following the directions, the test immediately showed positive. She took a second one. Sure enough. Her fiance was stunned. She blamed it on me. “You hardly touched me! It was Sherilyn Sheets! She knocked me up!!”
She told me today that they had really tried to “abstinence way” and were planning an intimate wedding in August. Now they’re going to go to a justice of the peace because she’s uncomfortable with the idea of being pregnant at her wedding. After the baby is born and she’s back to her “normal size” they will have the official ceremony.
This precious woman is conflicted. She blames me - yet there’s such a shred of hope in her blame! I hugged her about 5 different times during her story! She kept telling me; “you knocked me up!!!” She says I’m a legend now - that she’s told everyone about me! I’m the girl who knocked her up! Wow - an accusation I never drempt I’d hear!
Here’s what I believe.
God has a plan for the life of this child (as He does with EVERY life!). God allowed me to be His voice to this mother to let her know this child is NOT an image of shame. This child is NOT a mistake. This child is NOT sinful - although created outside of His will - the child’s life is created for the GLORY of his Creator! To get the news “you will bare a child” after just hearing the crazy perspective of a complete stranger; “you’d be a great mother! You should be a mom!” - could that be anything other than our God preparing this precious woman to raise her child to love Jesus?!
I told this woman as I was scooting closer to the bathroom (I really had to go!) “I’m going to be around for a while - I want to stay involved in this journey with you!!” And I do! I want to sit down with her and hear more about her fears. I want to meet her future husband. I want to love this family. I want to direct them towards Christ. I want to see Jesus be the center of their marriage - of their parenting - of their home - of their lives!
I didn’t intend to knock-her up! But I will take responsibility as far as the Lord intends for this journey she is on! She holds me responsible and has a very open heart to my influence! I saw such terror and yet a cry for hope in her eyes! You better believe I’m gonna pour all I can into that cry for hope!
Following Jesus is so crazy!!!!
So have you gotten anyone pregnant lately?
Jun 9
Over a month ago, on one of our typical Sunday afternoons…. basking in the early Spring sunshine…. our community members began to talk about a Community BBQ! My initial thought was; “that sounds like a lot of work.” I drug my feet until honestly, it was apparent this BBQ was going to happen with or without my help! What was going to be just a gathering of 15-20 people began to grow first when I discovered we had access to a 5 foot grill on Thursday afternoon! By Thursday night we had HUNDREDS of buns for burgers and hot dogs. Basically we planned the meat around the donated bread! God provided the resources - and unbeknown to us, He would provide the people to consume it!
5 heads of lettuce, bags of cherries, boxes of banannas, a sheet cake, bags of chips, dozens of cup-cakes, boxes of hamburgers, a dozen tomatoes, and a FEW purchased items came together - literally - in 3 days!
Not only did the Lord provide mega resources for this BBQ - He also brought at least 9 brand new young adults to join us for their first introduction to Sunday afternoons in Chicago!
With over 20 Young Adults - 5 trunks FULL of food and beverages - we were ready for a PARTY!
As I was walking to my car on a quick errand, as the details were being pulled together Sunday afternoon, I prayed out-loud; “Lord - ha! Wow! I TRUST that since You have provided ABUNDANTLY for this BBQ - you will now provide ABUNDANTLY for the relationships! Bring the people Lord for us to connect with!” I had a deep peace and and EXCITEMENT for who we would meet in Chicago.
Half the Young adults got busy getting the stage set while the other half of us hit the streets with cookies and an invite on our lips! “Come to a cook-out!”
We cooked 105 hamburgers and 90 hot dogs on Sunday. With the come-and-go atmosphere, it’s hard to know for sure how many attended, but we used over 80 plates! Our consistent presence in the community had laid a foundation for a fantastic party! Our good friends brought their friends, families passing by stopped in, a few girls on a lay-over between amtrack-trains to the mid-west stopped in, a guy from one of the near-by condo’s brought his dog. It was indeed a Community BBQ.
The best part - we met dozens of new friends! Next week I anticipate an opportunity to begin the relational journey with several new folks.
Events like this BBQ and the infamous Birthday party (nearly nine months ago!!) serve to bring people together that do not naturally relate to each other. Through grilling out, playing bag-o and hill-billy golf, defenses fall, demographics are laid aside. But - the real work will be done next week, and the week after that, and the weeks and months after that. Throwing a party ignites the opportunity for life-transformation through relationship. It is NOW up to us - will we really allow these new friends into our lives on a consistent basis? Will they allow us into their lives if we don’t have a cook-out to offer? The reality is that some wont. Some can’t yet. Some never will. But for those of us who have been doing this for 9 months now - next week holds more anticipation than this past week. Next week when the party is a great memory - the life-investment begins.
I could write a book about this next phase of community development. It hurts - it’s scary - it’s confusing - and it changes the core of you! It’s at this level that you rejoice and grieve with Miguel as he goes home to CA. It’s here that the loss of Monroe makes you unable to get out of bed for a day or two. It’s here that wondering where Al has been gnaws on your heart week after week after week. It’s here that LOVE connects your fibers to the fibers of men and women that you previously felt no ability to relate to.
This is not a service project - this is a lifestyle. And it’s transforming two communities and creating another one! ALL for the glory of God!!!!!
As always - there is an open invitation to join us!
May 15
I just turned this in for my church’s web-site… not sure if they will use it… but I really enjoyed writing it!
The Popularity Predicament
I was never very popular in school growing up. I was always just a bit too funny, too loud, too obnoxious; never quite balanced enough to keep a good following of friends. As the Lord has matured me, my edges have softened (some I doubt ever will though…) and I am astounded at the gifting in leadership He seems to have blessed me with. With leadership came popularity; something I was not ready to deal with.
Popularity, although one of the American dreams, is not the goal or aim of the Christian leader and I am finding how critical it is that we learn how to take ownership for the role we play in people’s lives and do whatever it takes to turn our popularity into a channel for those we lead to develop deeper relationships with Jesus Christ.
As leaders we might not always feel popular, but we cannot allow our feelings to keep us from seeing the influence we hold. In Acts 14 Paul and Barnabas were received so well that the people of Lystra threw together a parade and were about to sacrifice to them when Paul and Barnabas realized what was going on and frantically stopped the procession! Paul and Barnabas were not looking for a following for themselves; they were preaching the Gospel. Popularity does not only come to the ego-needy, it comes to the earnest follower of Christ, to the Spirit-led leader.
Paul and Barnabas responded to their influence on the community of Lystra in two significant ways. First they tore their clothes. They were heartbroken over this idolatry. They did not excuse it or leverage it for the expanse of the Gospel. I can only imagine the temptations facing two men in a strange town when the entire town wants to throw a party in their honor! After all, they were just faithfully serving God and preaching the Gospel, right? Paul and Barnabas were not deceived by popularity; they were heart-broken over it.
Secondly, Paul and Barnabas immediately addressed the situation. They “rushed out into the crowd, shouting.” Instantly Paul and Barnabas spoke to their true identity, shunning any temptation to leverage to crowd’s enthusiasm. Paul and Barnabas CLEARLY stated their purpose in investing in the community of Lystra; they were there to preach the Good News of the LIVING God.
My favorite part of this example of the Popularity Predicament in Scripture is how it ends. Without delay, the crowd is swayed by a small handful of folks and Paul is nearly beaten to death. Talk about fickleness! What a great reminder that popularity is fleeting and something to take seriously. I wonder if the Lord spared Paul and Barnabas’ lives because of their sincere handling of the popularity they received.
As leaders we carry a lot of influence and power over our little communities. It is our responsibility to nurture that influence into a Christ-centered perspective. Let’s be honest that it is not always easy to flee the temptations of popularity, especially, if like me, you always sought it and never attained it in your younger years. It can be very tempting to think we can leverage popularity for the expanse of the Kingdom. I would challenge us that if we give in to this temptation we will be building kingdoms around ourselves and our impact will rise and fall with our own spiritual velocity. If we direct those in our communities continually back to Jesus Christ, we are helping them become rooted and established in Him, and we are reminding ourselves that even as leaders our number one responsibility is to an alive and active personal relationship with Christ.
May 10
Ok… I know that is so rude and some of you are already ready to fight…..
I don’t mean to start arguments…. but I really do have the best mother.
There have been many women in my life while I was growing up that I secretly wondered how great it would be to be raised in their home. Today… as a 27 yr old woman… I think on those wonderful ladies without a hint of curiosity. I KNOW that my home was the best place for me… and I am sure that is because who better to raise a child than the DNA that created it!
Here are just a few things I randomly am grateful for during a normal day:
* My mom taught me how to carry myself. Today a petite lady came into starbucks and the floor shook. I was flabbergasted! The painful lesson my mother drilled into my head came back… thank you mom for teaching me how to carry myself.
* Putting things away. Last night my friend Andrew crumpled the bag of chips down into the box… and today I thought about how that bugged me and I remembered being taught…over and over… how to re-close an opened box of cereal, crackers, cookies, etc - to keep things fresh! Thank you mom!! (can you teach Andrew?)
* Modesty. Working at Starbucks downtown Naperville gives me a front row seat to the cultural deception about beauty and attraction. I know there have been many times in my life I’ve been tempted away from modesty… but ultimately my mother set an example and raised me to find my value in so many other aspects of femininity that are not publicly sexual. My mother’s amazing handling of feminine modesty protected me as I grew up into a woman - and hopefully I will blossom into the wonderful balance of attractive and modest that my mother does so well!!
* Entertaining. Last week I had 10 people over for Taco Salad - a Sally Sheets classic! The meal of my 16th birthday party! Entertaining 10 people….. there’s no way I am near the level of my mom - but my love for it and my semi-ability in it is directly due to her! I am so grateful for the constant hospitable home we had!!!
* Leadership. This one is weird. My mother has always had many people surrounding her wanting to help her. Somehow she has done a phenomenal job of utilizing the eager and willing and humble hands of friends to pull of wonderful events! I have noticed that I too have these hands around me - all the time it seems!! I also know that I don’t direct them with the grace and confidence that my mother does. I would LOVE to grow more into the type of confident leader that my mother is.
* Invitation. My mother is the inclusive one in my family. My dad is just along for the ride! :) Mom isn’t the “life” of the party - but she sure is the life-source of the party!!! From experience I can say that it is much easier to be the life of than the life-source! The life-source is attentive to the individuals - the life-of is attentive to themselves. The life-source is an artist - the life-of is an entertainer. I desire to grow from the life-of to the life-source of the party!
* Loving the unlovable. My mom sees the unseen. She looks directly at the overlooked. Not only does she see - but she goes towards them. She sits with them. She engages them in conversation. She gives the gift of identity to the dozens of strangers she approaches monthly as she’s out and about. This is probably the one gift my mother has given me that I am most aware of these days. My life has somehow taken on a strong theme that has undoubtedly been birthed from growing up at the side of Sally Sheets. I did not naturally see the unseen - they were pointed out to me. I was taken to them. My vision was molded. I cannot take credit for the heart inside of me that breaks for the overlooked…. it is a gift of God given and taught. What a gift.
* Spiritual authenticity. My mom is real. She’s not perfect - but she is real. My mother’s heart is the most obviously pure heart I have ever known. This gift is the most critical gift my mother has given me. Spiritual authenticity produces character and integrity. To be a woman of character and integrity is oh so rare. Not a woman of perfection or a woman who has it together. A woman of character and integrity falls short with grace and humility - and perseverance to keep striving onward.
Boy…. this has been wonderful to write. I am my mother’s child…. and I am grateful.
Thank you mom. Happy Mother’s Day.
-Sher
Feb 13
September 21, 2008~It began as a favor, but little did I know what could possibly transpire. My friend Sher had asked me if I’d be willing to go downtown with her to pass out some invites to a birthday party she was throwing for the homeless at Union Station the following weekend. She’s got a big heart with some big plans and this time was looking for some volunteers from church that would feel comfortable enough to approach some homeless folks and spend a little time with them chatting, praying and telling them about the upcoming birthday party. Over the years with all my travels and mission trips I’ve grown more at ease around strangers, especially the poor for some reason, so I decided to take the 2:30 train down with her and see who we can find. Once at Union Station we decided to divide and conquer the surrounding area to save time and reach as many homeless as possible. With a handful of invites in my hand and a smile on my face I was ready to meet some strangers who appeared to be down in their luck. Surprisingly though I didn’t see many. I did however meet one and his name is Adam Jordan. Adam is a 62 yr old fella who’s had a tough life but is nonetheless a good man. Over the next few months myself and others from church began to invest a little time and love into Adam and others like him. Not to feel good about ourselves but because God calls us to do it. After multiple lunch dates and hours of good conversation I decided to have Adam over to my place in the burbs. We raked leaves together and enjoyed a nice home-cooked meal around my pop’s dining table. I don’t believe in just giving money to those in need but rather to help meet some of their basic needs such as warm clothing, bedding, simple necessities, and most importantly the Good Book. Adam knew I wasn’t Santa Claus so he always insisted that he’d work for these “gifts” in some way or another. Well after delivering a kerosene heater to his home without heat, electric or water, he asked from some more work. Being the artist I am I asked him if he’d like to work on some paintings with me to pay for the heater and possibly earn some extra spending money for his girlfriend Carol. He was anxious to get started but the cold winter days kept him from being able to work much from his home, so I decided to have him over again to my house the following weekend and we’d work on the paintings together. That Sunday, Decemeber 21, 2008, I picked him up at 8am and brought him back to my place for a few omlets before heading off to church. After church we spent the day painting in the studio while singing Christmas carols and jamming to the Temptations and his other favorites. After a nice dinner and exchanging of Christmas gifts I decided to do something beyond what I’d normally do. I offered Adam to stay the night. It was -36*F and it didn’t seem right to put him back on a train to the city that night when I’ve got perfectly warm couch he could crash on in the basement. He was especially thrilled because that meant he’d be able to paint longer and therefore earn some extra cash. We called it a night at 10:30pm and after folding his laundry I went up to bed. At 1am I awoke to Adam calling my name outside my bedroom door from the kitchen. He was struggling to catch his breath so I immediately called 911. The dispatcher told me to try to calm him down and get him seated on the floor, but Adam was fighting me to fight for his life. It was by far the scariest moment of my short life, and one that I don’t ever hope to experience again. The medics finally came and Adam’s breathing was fading so they immediately started CPR. My kitchen turned into an emergency room in seconds and I could do nothing but drop to my knees and pray that the good Lord would spare this life. After a half hour or so the medics carried Adam’s lifeless body out of my house on a stretcher leaving me to answer questions from the Warrenville PD. Adam would eventually go 40mins without any sort of a pulse before the medics were able to revive him. He was brought to Edwards Hospital in Naperville where God would bless the hands of the doctors and nurses that worked on him. Anyone that goes ten minutes without a pulse has a grim chance of making it, but forty minutes and you would most definitely need a miracle. God performed a miracle that night. I’m still figuring out why, but there’s no other medical or scientific explanation. You see, sometimes when we lean on science or medicine to determine or explain fate we come up short, and that’s where we find God. Six weeks later and Adam is still fighting. How I don’t know. Whether he makes it back to being the Adam we know and love is up to the big man upstairs, but one thing is for sure; whenever I look into Adam’s eyes, the same eyes that I thought would never open again, I see a glimmer of hope and answered prayers, and I thank our merciful God for his grace, love, kindness and healing.
Dec 15
Several months ago God clearly showed me that for me to have a pure heart for the at risk children in the world - I must first allow Him to give me His heart for their abusers.
Ouch.
I have always been a bully of bullies. In elementary school I remember fighting off all the boys from the “girls” part of the playground equipment. I got in physical fights with those same boys when they were taunting other kids off the playground. I also got mocked by teachers in elementary school for sticking up for the special ed students when my classmates would make fun of them. This continued into Jr. High where I had my first public hall-way brawl with some red-head who was literally one of the meanest kids I have ever known. I also exchanged words with numerous 8th graders when I was a 7th grader…. I NEVER could handle bullying…
So I’ve kinda always had it out for the bullies.
Jesus doesn’t.
So what I realized Jesus was going to do in my life was to break my heart for abusers. He was going to take me on a journey to open my eyes and heart to see the wounds of the bully.
He’s begun that journey.
A few weeks ago I met a man named Glen. We did not talk long, but while we talked I had this realization that Glen might have hurt someone in his past. Again, I do not know Glen…. but Glen represented the dozens of men and women I am growing to not just love superficially - but love deeply. These men and women have histories. They have pasts. Yes…. today they live as the outcasts of society - but it wasn’t always that way. Due to the nature of humanity - there is a very good chance that most of the street friends we are building relationships with have hurt people - even innocent people - at some point in the past…. I know I have.
Pretty stupid choices lay right outside of our reach sometimes and it is only by the grace of God that we don’t act upon our carnal desires to deeply break other people… and other times we do.
So… that day a few weeks ago I realized that there’s a good chance God has disguised an abuser or two in the skin of an outcast…. all to further enlighten me to how He looks at people.
My point in all of this is to tell you about Officer Dave.
From the very beginning - three months ago - I had a real fear of the police. I do not like conflict, so I just had hoped to fly under their radar. For the most part that worked… then our group got too big… so we began to split up. However, we continue to have minor run-ins with the authorities.
Tonight - through a series of events - I was able to sit down with Officer Dave over his dinner. Lisa and I had gone looking for him and found him at a local bar sitting down to a nice fish dinner. He did not take a bite of his food for the next twenty-minutes while he opened RIGHT up to us about some extremely deep hurts in his life.
Here we had him pegged as a pretty ridiculous bully - it was this man who told me after I hugged Shawn once; “I’ve known him for 10 years and I wouldn’t touch him without gloves on!”
So we had him pegged for good reason!
We’d heard him talk about his God-daughter a time or two before…. tonight the story came out. She’s not really his God-daughter at all. When he first met her, he thought she was a 16-yr old runaway - turns out she was a 22 yr-old runaway. He took her in and has been trying to help her straighten out her life for years. Her name is Crystal and Dave told us that Wednesday she tried to kill herself. Right before we went looking for him - he’d actually been kicking some of our friends out of the station - and his phone rang in the middle… he left and came back extra angry. He told us while we were sitting with him over his (cold by this time) fish - that phone call was her… she was getting out of the hospital.
When someone you love gets out of the hospital you are usually excited - unless they are suicidal and you are at work.
Dave is hurting.
He continued to tell us about his family in Wisconsin - his ex-fiance who is a Methodist minister in Colorado and his twin brother. He told us about Crystal’s boyfriend who he put in jail three months ago and is now going to try to help get out of jail. He told us about this kid’s mom who told him a legit job was stupid when selling drugs made him more money.
Dave told us about his hobby - on his days off Dave goes to the day-labor places and works odd jobs - not for the $ but for something to do.
Dave is so lonely on his days off he drives Cell Phone company people around while they check their signal, he picks up trash from industries - for one day he has a new occupation - something a little more glamorous than telling homeless people to stop sleeping in Union Station.
Dave also told us about his relationship with Shawn. Crystal was missing several times since Dave has been looking after her. He told us that he’s gone to some of the most terrifying parts of the city looking for her. He also told us that Shawn would look out for Crystal when she was living on the street. He’d keep an eye out for her to help Dave know she was ok.
Last week Officer Dave brought Shawn a bag of clothing…. I saw the exchange - and I saw Shawn with new clothes emerge later…. somehow that exchange didn’t register till this week.
One last thing about Officer Dave.
We’ve not been the kindest to him. It’s understandable… we’re in a group and he singles out our street-friends and makes them leave…. it’s wrong, unjust, painful to see happen to people we love. When confronted on his injustice… I fully expected that we would be kicked out behind our friends… but we weren’t.
I asked Officer Dave why he didn’t kick us out. He said he would never kick us out because he understands what we are doing.
That’s HUGE.
Whatever hangups and deep wounds Officer Dave carries around with him…. he sees some weird Naperville kids come in week after week after week - 3 months and counting…. and he sees relationship being built.
I wonder if the he was so hungry for a taste of that - that that’s why he gave up his hot dinner to talk with us tonight. The oppressor envying the oppressed.
I don’t care how much of a jerk Officer Dave is…. I want to love him. It’s REALLY hard to watch someone who is hurting someone else….. it is not possible on our own. But the LOVE of Christ CAN transform us…. our vision CAN be adjusted to Christ’s. I PRAISE GOD that I do not have to live my life going after bullies anymore (I’m getting emotional as I write this…..)!! For SO LONG I found my identity by defending the defenseless…… all the while being an abuser myself! I am called to LOVE - and to LOVE actively!
Mars Hill -the church Rob Bell pastors - prints bumper stickers that say “LOVE WINS”. That is this bully’s new mantra! LOVE WINS! Officer Dave - LOVE WINS!!! Pedophiles - LOVE WINS! Adulterers - LOVE WINS!!! Abusers - LOVE WINS!!!! Sex offenders - LOVE WINS!!!
Love is our only hope of seeing things restored to the way they were created. That starts with letting love transform us and restore us to the way we were created! Not as fighters and bullies - but as deeply moved lovers who are drawn to the woundedness of others and cannot help but desire to speak words of healing and peace to those places.
oh, and I don’t get this by any means. I can blog about it - and I can see ideals pretty clearly - but this week started with some of the most intense anger I have felt toward an abuser in years. I felt like I was chasing my tail because I wanted SO badly to lash out at this person… but I knew that wasn’t love.. but I don’t know what love looks like… so I cried… a lot.
This might be a ridiculous way to end this post - but I just thought of this song from my childhood:
There really ought to be a sign across my heart
Don’t judge me yet there’s an unfinished part
But I’ll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master’s loving hand
He’s still working on me
to make me what I ought to be
It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars
The Sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
He’s still working on me
Dec 10
(this is some of the best writing I have the privilege of reading…. what an honor to have other people articulating the stories and relationship that’s going on in Union Station Neighborhood)
I met him yesterday.
We were talking to guy who quickly became one of our friends, and while doing so I met Poppy.
Poppy came up asking for money.
We told him we didn’t have any money, which was true if you don’t count credit cards, but we said that we had some food.
He was so excited… “Oh food, food, yea that works too, I’ll take some food!”
So we begin pulling out all sorts of snacks that we prepare to bring down to the city every weekend for moments such as this.
It’s a group of us… we go downtown Chicago every Sunday and look for new friends to spend time with… friends without homes, without money, without anywhere warm to go, and we just spend time with them… love on them, if you will (or won’t, I don’t really care).
We look them in the eye, we call them by name, and we just sit and listen to them talk.
It’s a pretty transforming experience when the “homeless” no longer become the “homeless,” but instead become actual people with real names, and family stories.
Kim has 5 children… and she is beautiful! Maybe a little rough on the outside to the human eye, but sit and talk with her for a while and you will begin to realize just how beautiful she is. When I first met her she cried. She cried because we looked her in the eye. She cried because we sat and talked to her. She cried because she couldn’t believe that someone would actually take the time to sit next to her and listen to her talk instead of just throw a dime in her cup and walk away.
I have numerous stories I would like to tell about so many of the people I have met downtown… but I want to find the boundary between sharing my experiences and exploiting my new friends. I have many stories, some of which I am glad to tell, but maybe much like my new friends, only on a more personal level instead of with those who just pass by.
Kim is my friend. And I love her.
That’s all that matters.
So yesterday a group of us found ourselves back downtown, this time approaching the experience a little differently. We split up in twos, each with a bag of food, and we set out looking for old friends, in hopes to find new ones.
To be honest, I was hoping to find Kim.
But I never did. It was the first weekend I hadn’t seen her, and I was slightly bothered as I was so looking forward to seeing her. I had to leave to come back to Naperville early, but when the rest of the group got back, they said she showed up about an hour after I left. My emotions were mixed… I was so bummed I didn’t see her, but I was so glad she was seen.
While looking for Kim, my partner and I, and two others, ran into a 21 year old guy named David. You could tell he was freezing as he kept blowing on his glove-less hands. My roommate handed him some gloves and some hand warmers to put in them. We gave him some food and just stood there and talked to him… in the freezing cold. We told him we were going over to the train station and he was more than welcome to come hang out with us… “you probably won’t make a buck,” my roommate said, “but at least you’ll be warm, and among friends.”
He didn’t even hesitate to say he wanted to come with us.
Sometimes people want more than just your money. Sometimes they just want your fellowship. They just want community.
While we are standing there a little round African American man, probably in his late 40s, early 50s, walks up and asks if we can spare any change for a homeless man. We ask his name, and tell him ours. He smiles and you can tell he is wondering why we care…
thus begins our conversation about not having any money, but having some food.
“Oh food, food, yea that works too, I’ll take some food!”
He tells us we have good hearts and proceeds to hug each one of us. We invite him to come hang out with us at the train station, but he said he needed to earn some money. He then told us to listen closely and his voice got real intense, but sincere…
“I know I may be out here on the streets right now,” he put his hand to his mouth and started to tear up, “but I know God has a plan for me! I know this isn’t it!” He paused and put his hand back up to his mouth and whispered “excuse me.” He was full on crying at this point, but firmly pronounced “I know, that I know, that I know, that God has a plan for me, and this isn’t it!”
I put my hand on his arm, and stood in silence. What do you say to someone whose shoes you don’t understand what it’s like to walk in?
So I say the first thing that pops into my head, regardless of whether I understand his situation or not…
“Absolutely, He does… and don’t let anyone take that from you! Don’t let anyone take your joy!”
He begins to cry harder and excuses himself… “I got to go,” he says, “I can’t handle this.”
We all stand there silently as he walks off and I can hear him crying as he walks down the street.
That can’t be it, I think to myself, but I don’t know what else to do.
I yell to him that we love him and he turns around to say he loves us too, but I want him to know that we really do, I really do love him, I don’t even know why, other than I just do.
I just want to hug him…
And with that thought in mind, I drop my bags and everything I have in my hands…
he made it to the end of the block before I yelled out…
“POPPY! WAIT!”
At this point he was almost bent over crying, but he just kept walking. So I yelled again, “POPPY!” He finally stopped, and I ran up from behind him, swung my arms around him, and just hugged him… tight.
I held him in my arms and he just balled. The more he cried the tighter I held him. I kept whispering in his ear that he was beautiful.
This grown man has his head buried in my shoulder, balling, and I just remind him again and again that he is loved.
His crying started to slow down, and I heard him whisper “thank you! I needed this! Boy I really needed this. Thank you!”
I drew back, while still holding him, looked him in his teary eyes, and said “I really hope I see you again.”
“absolutely you will,” he said, “absolutely you will!”
“Good!”
And with that, I gave him one last hug, he took a deep breath, wiped his tears, and we went our separate directions.
Looking back, writing about this, that wasn’t me.
It was my body, but it wasn’t me.
I absolutely was filled with love for that man in that moment, but it wasn’t an earthly love. It wasn’t even a love that I think I can understand. I know, that I know, that I know, that it was God’s love.
A love so powerful it makes a grown man cry. A love so powerful that God can take a little white girl out of south to the suburbs, and out of the suburbs to the city, to hold a grown man living on the streets of Chicago.
Do you get this?
I am from South Carolina… born and raised for 23 years.
What the hell am I doing in the city of Chicago holding a black homeless man?
Excuse my political incorrectness, but I think it needs to be said in order to be understood.
That is the power of God.
Only God is capable of making such a transformation.
There’s that one popular song out on Christian radio that, to be honest, I don’t like, but the words are so true…
“I’m not who I was!”
I’m not! And it’s not because of me!
You can praise me for going down to the city and hanging out with the “homeless,” Poppy can thank me for hugging him and telling him he is loved, I can even think I am great for doing so, but one thing, you, he, and I need to know…
it’s not me!
Don’t thank me…
Praise God… that I’m not who I was!
Praise God!
And with that, I thank Poppy, because he is the one who showed me what love is, and who reminded me to thank my Father above for not allowing me to remain within the mess that I once lived in… just as I know,
that I know,
that I know,
that God will do the same for my Poppy.
Dec 9
I dunno - I think this week I’m going to tell the stories from Union Station’s neighborhood in a roll-call style….
First though - this week we tried something different AND LOVED IT! We broke into groups of 2. It is much easier to build relationships when there are only a few people…. I was beginning to feel like I was hosting field-trips into the city to see the homeless…. oh dear! This approach made some people nervous - but EVERYONE (all 11 of us) were blessed beyond measure for having taken this approach… and experiences and relationships were multiplied!! Praise God for allowing us to re-work our thoughts and ideas and to continually grow and change!!!
So I was blessed to be able to be paired up with Erin Wilson…. a new attender of my small group.
Miguel - We saw Carlos Miguel right after we got out of our cars…. he’s in need of a belt as he assured me his droopin drawers were ok because he had on long underwear - then showed us all…. We had a good little catch-up with him - he was on his way to a friend’s place to get warm since he’s officially kicked out of both train stations in the area…. we had an interesting conversation about how he had been toying with heroin use and how he didn’t want us thinkin bad of him. I assured him that we love him and want what’s best for his life - so there’s no need to hide stuff from us - we will love him regardless.
Darrel - Darrel is a man on the street who does not want to be there and is working diligently to get off. He was a door-man for years and has the personality to suit it too! At first Darrel was only interested in what we could give him - not relationship. I’d say though, this week was very different. As soon as he saw Erin and I walking up to him (he was in conversation with 3 folks sitting beside him on the bench) - he lit up. Eventually he welcomed us into their conversation and introduced us to: Joe, Norma and Mitchell.
Joe - Joe is a man in his mid-40’s who has gone from a successful life as an Engineer with an alcohol and drug problem to a homeless man with a gambling problem. Joe stays at one of the missions near by but gave us even greater insight into the severe safety issues presented there. Our conversation with Joe was fascinating as we heard his story and he acknowledged that his pride was what was keeping him on the streets. I have hope that Joe will find himself reconciled to his siblings and empowered through the Holy Spirit (and not his own determination) to be freed from his abuse of money.
Norma - Joe introduced us to Norma, a beautiful Mexican lady sitting beside him. I had a book-bag full of Starbucks sandwiches, salads and cheese and fruit plates that Joe, Norma and Mitchell all were extremely grateful to have. Mitchell did not speak English, so Norma gradually told us her story and a little of his. She left California over a year ago because of a broken relationship with her husband. She left three children there as well as a lot of extended family. She was working here and had planned to go home to Cali for a while to visit - but just a few days ago had her money stolen while she slept and could not purchase her train ticket. On top of that, she says her luggage is all locked up at Union Station and she cannot get it without more money. She had nothing. Who knows if her story is true… but the reality is, Norma is fighting for her life and identity. She told us about staying at the mission… about the sexual abuse she was faced with in the showers. She talked about walking for hours and how painful the cold was on her feet. This woman was alone in a big and dangerous city. She met Mitchell along the way - he came to Chicago from California because he heard he could find work here. He has found nothing and he has no papers and does not speak English. Norma nor Joe nor Mitchell asked us for anything. They just let us sit on the floor in front of them and listen to their story.
Finally I asked Norma if we could pray for her and Mitchell and she agreed… she had been piping in good wisdom and understanding while we’d been talking to Joe earlier about the Lord and pride and broken relationships…. this woman has a long spiritual journey behind her, no doubt. Erin and I wrapped our arms and hearts around Norma and we prayed. Sometimes when I pray I feel foolish because I know God is not impressed with my amount of words… and I am trying to learn to shorten my prayers… but in this situation, the longer I prayed, the safer Norma felt and she began to weep. This 38-yr old mother of 3, stuck in a cold city hundreds of miles and dollars away from her family allowed us to hold her while she wept. It was as if all that she had just told us was dawning on her and she just needed to cry. What a blessing to be able to bring this broken and vulnerable woman before a loving and gentle and compassionate God!!! To introduce her to His heart…. to bring the two together… to be an Ambassador of Christ! MAN it was GREAT! I know most people would feel bad to make a grown woman cry in public - but I felt like Erin and I were giving Norma one of the most wonderful gifts she could be given - a safe place to be broken. Oh how I hugged that woman when we were done praying - I kissed her head like she was one of my kids I babysit… I didn’t realize I was doing it til I was done! Again - we did not have answers to Norma’s situation - not even wisdom and guidance! But “what I have I give you…” to quote Peter in Acts 3.
Shawn: As soon as I said “Amen!” - I opened my eyes and right in front of me, behind the bench Norma was sitting on stooped Shawn - he had been part of our prayer and declared “I wanted to be the first thing you saw when you opened your eyes!” Shawn was in really good spirits this week and asked me to forgive him for missing Thanksgiving - he said he was arrested for riding the train too long. One really disturbing thing this week - Shawn showed me the soles of the crazy expensive boots I brought to him a few months ago - HOLES in the soles! He said “I’m real hard on shoes sher! Real hard on shoes!” That breaks my heart too because size 16’s are not easy to come by!
Tyrone: Tyrone and I got to sit down and talk for quite a while. I told him how I’d had a good long cry on my way into the city and he asked me if I wanted to talk about it. He told me that he gives love advice to a nice Italian doctor who lives in an apartment near the CVS Tyrone hustles outside of. He says “I’m HIS doctor!” During our conversation I was able to tell Tyrone about the counseling I went through and how I learned about forgiveness. I shared with him how the painful experiences of my childhood had me bitter and angry - and how my journey of healing has really made me a whole new woman! It was a good conversation…. Tyrone is a really neat guy.
Steve: Steve is a character we met a few weeks ago on a Friday when some of us randomly went into the city just to hang out. Steve has no teeth - so he is down-right adorable! Yesterday was the first time I think he was sober that I’ve been around him - but even when he is intoxicated he is delightful! Steve is a natural leader and he is the life of the party!! Steve and Al were the two that stayed at Giordano’s with us a good hour longer than everyone else last week…. enjoying every moment! Steve was eager to find out what we were going to do for Christmas… so I asked him what he thought about caroling! We were knocking our heads together to try to figure out what we really think about this idea - if it is a good one or not. I sent him to ask Darrel and I went to ask Tyrone! Darrel made the suggestion that we do our caroling on the platform of one of the L-stops (elevated train’s - above-ground subway system in Chicago). Tyrone was also supportive of the idea. So Steve and I representing our geographical communities have determined to continue to knock the idea around - and come back together next week to decide upon the details! Oh Steve-o!!
Rose - Rose is a precious old lady who Miguel first introduced me to. She is this small plump white-haired woman who, the first two times I talked with her - had on a checkered black and red fleece poncho and two eye-lash-scarves tied around her neck. When I saw her this week her outfit had changed… then she explained that all of her possessions were stolen. What an amazing thing too - I had been carrying 2 scarves (JUST LIKE Rose’s old scarves) with me to give Rose that my Aunt Bonnie had made me. These are not practical scarves… they wont keep a person warm on the street - but they will make a precious old lady feel beautiful!! So I was honored to wrap these replacement scarves around Rose and give her a hug and kiss. I can’t help but see my own grandmother in Rose….
Melvin: This story is the highlight of my night!
I had heard from several others that they’d seen Melvin and he sent a message to tell me he was sorry for not coming to Thanksgiving - but he was with his mother! When I saw him he came eagerly up to me to be sure I’d gotten the message! Then, he pointed to me and Andrew and asked to speak to us alone. (We were all preparing to head back home at this point) Andrew and I go to the side and Melvin tells us a beautiful story of how God has been working in his life since Andrew sat down with him to talk about the Lord and I gave Melvin my Bible a month or two ago. Melvin pulled out his (my) Bible and read to us Gen 15:1 where God says to Abram; “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.” Then he tells us how one night at his mother’s not long ago God met him in a mighty way and he found himself in the bathroom on his knees crying out to God! He told us how he is fighting hard to keep his money safe… he sends it home immediately to his mother through money orders so she can hold it for him. His plan is to put away $50 a day - which he says he can easily do! He has such hope of turning his life around!!! He was SO eager to share with Andrew and I how God was working in his life - like a child! I was deeply moved and humbled by his desire for approval and affirmation! We grabbed his hands and prayed for God’s continued strength and guidance….. it was a beautiful time! Melvin works right outside of the station helping travelers get their luggage out of their taxis as they head into Union Station to grab their trains. He opens doors and is just a very helpful guy. His hard work and willingness to be shunned continually pays off greatly!
Al - We were literally walking out the door when I hear Cindy screech and take off running across Union Station - She’d spotted Al! Cindy had declared about 1/2 an hour earlier, “I’m not leaving till I see Al!” It was great! We ended up all sitting around with Al and Steve for another half hour just chatting…. just like the night at Giordano’s! The cop even came up on his golf-cart and Cindy employed her gift of distraction and asked the cop crazy questions to get his mind off of our “party” as he called it. Al was a delight as always….. I really don’t have a significant update on Al other than he continues to stand out as the most kind-hearted and gentle friend we’ve made. Al is a very simple and uncomplicated and honest man - who has the utmost respect for reciprocated honesty!
All of our friends are developing very unique places in our hearts! And I think we are growing on them as well!! Although I did not see Kim this week, I was told that as she left her time with Cindy she stopped and turned back and said, “I love you guys!”
Consistent love.
Persistent Love.
Jesus.
Love transforms people. Love breaks down walls and barriers and love softens edges. Love evokes Truth. Love builds and love brings rest.
1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. 3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
8-10Love never dies.
Dec 1
I know yesterday wasn’t thanksgiving - but for me, it was. A few friends of mine began wondering in October what we could do for Thanksgiving with our friends from the city. By “friends in the city” I mean the homeless (a tag I am hating more and more, yet unable to find an alternative for) that we have been developing relationships with since the first weekend in September.
We talked about inviting them into the Suburbs for an at-home meal. We also talked about carting in food to the city and setting up some sort of meal there. The idea we finally decided upon was to reserve the back room at Giordano’s and come together for a Chicago-style Thanksgiving! In retrospect, this was not the most cost-effective decision, but thanks to the generosity of many - although pricey, all needs were amply covered.
After two weeks of inviting a specific handful of our long-standing friends, last night we arrived in the city not knowing what to expect!
The first familiar face I saw was on an unfamiliar shape! Adrian had on a very fancy suit and long warm winter “church” coat. The only way I recognized him was by his bright smile as he walked toward us! The next person I saw was Al… precious Al. Soon others began to arrive and around 4:30 - a good 1/2 hour after “starting” time - we got started!
There are so many things I could say about last night…. so many things others would say. I’m still not really sure what all happened or what I think about it all… I have to admit that I am in a haze. The great thing is I have heard nothing but wonderful feedback from people… not just for how the “event” went - but for how their lives were impacted! That is enough to sleep solidly on…. but I still have a lot of questions rolling around in my head about what all of this means….
Anyway - back to last night.
It was really cool to watch comfort zones demolished and people being vulnerable with each other. However - I hope and pray last night was about way more than “homelessness humanity awareness”. I hope this whole thing - this weekly thing we’re doing - I hope and pray it is WAY more than that. It is a great thing to demolish our comfort zones and to be made aware that men and women begging on the street are human - but it’s a totally different thing to allow one of those women or men into our hearts… into our lives. What would that look like?
Which brings me back to the question - what are we doing?
I’m sorry. I was going to blog about last night - I was going to talk about how powerful it was to have a common communion cup passed around our tables… to share the sacrament of communion with my brothers and sisters. I was going to talk about how we were there till 7:30…. four hours at Giordano’s! I was going to talk about Katy - our waitress and the amazing tip she got and the genuine hug we shared as she left for the night. I was going to talk about Scott the manager who allowed all of this to happen and I was going to talk about the amazing things people said when we went around and shared what we were thankful for before Tim served communion.
But all I can think about is the question; “why?” What’s next? Pastor Tim came up to me before he left and told me he was proud of us - that was cool. But then he asked the question, “What’s next?” Oh dear! What IS next?!?! What’s next this coming Sunday?!?! Where are we going?? Are we going anywhere? Is that even the question to ask?
I hate to sound like I’m just running from responsibility but here’s how I see it:
If I continue to seek the Lord with all of my heart, mind, soul, body, spirit etc etc etc - the path will be clear. I am not saying the path will be easy or comfortable or without fractures and emergencies and significant sacrifice. I am not saying that at all. I am saying that when we present everything before the Lord with thanksgiving - His peace will protect us even when we do not understand. We can have peace in the midst of chaos.
Today I called in sick to work for the first time. I have felt like I have been in some sort of a bubble all day. I have had no anxiety - but I have also had no tangible thoughts. It is almost as if the peace of God is protecting me…. and in this situation it’s a head cold! I feel like there’s a torrent of questions and expectations and needs right outside of my sphere of head-coldness…. but none of them are coming through clearly for me to fully grasp. I do not feel anxious (praise God!) - but I do not feel clear. I feel very very murky. I am going to go to sleep tonight and thank God for the murk. For goodness sakes I’m gonna stop wishing the murk could go away so I could be anxious about things!!! I’m going to trust that as long as my heart is in tune with the Spirit of God and my daily life is submitted to His glory (meaning, how I am interacting with the folks I live with, my co-workers, my family via the phone, my small group, neighbors etc - how I am spending my time - the ways I am entertaining myself - my willingness to obey in the small things) - I am going to trust that He will clearly direct my steps.
So for those of you who are wondering, “what’s next?” Please pray that the peace of God will guard our hearts and minds in the midst of chaos, confusion and life. Please pray that no decisions or plans will be made without clear leading of the Holy Spirit. Please just pray. I have no answer to the question of “what’s next” except “seek God.”
Nov 25
Today I was officially certified as a Starbucks Barista!
At first when my boss told me he takes people out for lunch for certification I was rather skeptical - especially when two minutes prior he was lamenting the fact that we would not be getting married and pro-creating and then followed up the lunch suggestion by addimant “it isn’t a date Sher, don’t go home and tell all your friends I finally asked you out!” However, as I worked today I saw him have at least two other meetings prior to ours where he went out for one-on-ones with my co-workers. So, although still very uncomfortable being alone with this man outside of “work” - I enjoyed a free taco salad from Potter’s across the street.
The certification part was fun and very enjoyable because I really didn’t know a whole lot. My boss has several great characteristics - and one of them is knowing that Starbucks is not the end-all - even for the employee! We enjoyed several good laughs at the questions and at my answers or lack there of.
But then we came to the final two questions - areas for continued focus and areas of strength. I told him if this question was asked of any other area of my life I’d suggest emotional stability - but I have wowed myself with my ability the past three months to maintain a mildly fluctuating temper. So I was understandably surprised (and yet not) when he began to share with me how my Partners (co-workers) see me. He began by saying they are not sure how i will respond one day to the next - especially to instruction. Ouch. Then he explained that while they all (including customers) feel I am “nice, funny and attractive” - they do not feel like they know me. During the whole meeting he had been saying “be vulnerable” which I thought was weird way of flirting with me - never did I think he was hinting that he would eventually be telling me my biggest area of improvement is in vulnerability!!!
ME! Needing to be vulnerable?!?! Me?? Sher Sheets? Needs to be more transparent and approachable?? For real????
He informed me that my coworkers want to be my friends…. that some of my best friends can be my co-workers.
So… I am floored by this…. and am frantically trying to grasp what is REALLY going on here - because there is no question that vulnerability and “knowability” is something I have down. It wasn’t hard for me to realize that I am a different version of myself when i am at work. I am reserved with personal info - after all, who wants to hear about the “pastor-girl” or “missionary-girl”? My boss has already made numerous jokes about me and homeless people. I don’t want the details that make up the rest of my life to build an awkward wall between my co-workers and I! I can easily talk about their lives w/o getting spiritually awkward - but my life…. every single aspect of it is permeated with the Spirit of God. It just is. So to talk about anything in my life is to talk about Jesus. So evidently, I have chosen to be reserved.
Fascinating. Who knew that I didn’t have the tools to work in the “world”? What sad, yet wonderful gained insight! The best part of working at starbucks is the opportunity to develop relationships with non-believers! But these people are not “un-reached” - so my evangelistic mindset is set on auto-pilot - let my actions speak for themselves. If I’m always talking about ministry and small group and homeless people and church and pastoring….. I might get asked the spiritual questions - but what co-worker will feel comfortable cussing around me or saying stupid sexual things? I don’t want to be “church-girl”. I want my relationship with Christ to be evident through my life - not assumed b/c I went to Wheaton or am in leadership at my church.
The most valuable thing I learned from today’s meeting with Billy is that I need to be more intentional about building relationships with my co-workers. I may have scared myself into an ineffective corner by trying to avoid being stereotyped. Evidently my co-workers like me and want to know me more. They also want me to be more teachable.
I can do both of those things. I do not think I need to look for best-friends at Starbucks, but I can allow myself to be more accessible to my co-workers which will in turn make them more accessible to me - which ultimately will provide “pastoral” opportunities to arise - opportunities that I would be blessed to have. I also have a wonderful opportunity to continue to let my pride be demolished - to not have it all together and to be wrong and to be teachable. There were a lot of things I did not know today because I stopped asking weeks ago.
I called my mom after work to talk through this stuff - she found a fascinating theme. When I was a kid mom wanted to teach me to cook - my mom is the worlds best everything feminine! I hated the learning process because I just wanted to DO it!! I didn’t want to be taught the steps … I wanted to figure it out as I went and make it fit me… find my own way of doing things!
There’s another area of my life right now that is causing me great distress. I am aware of my lack of skill…. I don’t have all the knowledge and wisdom needed to make a successful run at it. I DO NOT WANT TO FAIL!!!! In fact… in this particular area - the stakes are SO high that failure could have terrible consequences…. and I am afraid. Which stinks because I know fear is a red flag for deception. But in this other area - I have the same attitude - I don’t want to be told what to do! I don’t want to make a mistake - more than anything I don’t want to make a mistake - but I don’t want to set up the “seemingly” necessary boundaries to protect and guard me from mistakes. Especially if it means honing in Sher-Characteristics that I value. It’s pride and I know it. And it is dangerous. My pride is dangerous.
The only hope I have ever had - will ever have - and you have - is the grace of God through Jesus.
I’m done.